Funny

"Why were you watching me change" I explain. "Uh, 'cause I'm a guy" He flips the pillow and slaps it, fluffing it. Then he rolls over and closes his eyes again."

"No headboards were broken."

"Jace said that the cast of Gilligan's Island could do something anatomically unlikely with themselves."

"Everything has taken on a strange, distant quality - the sounds of running and shouting outside get warped and weird like they're being filtered through water, and Alex looks miles away. I start to think I might be dreaming, or about to pass"

"What kind of good deeds? Like Girl Scouts? Because I got kicked out of Brownies and they won't give me another chance to keep my clothes on at camp."

"This is stolen? We're in a stolen jet"Not stolen," said Donegan Bane from the co-pilot's seat."Almost stolen," Gracious corrected."Semi-stolen," said Donegan."Quasi-stolen," said Gracious. Aurora's frown did not turn upside down. "So is it stolen or not"Donegan and Gracious hesitated."Yes," they both said together."

"You’re not the only one in this relationship who loves achallenge,” he says. “And just so you know for the future, I like my double-chocolate chipcookies warm and soft in the middle . . . and without magnets glued to them."

"All right," Shannen says slowly, tucking a lock of dark brown hair behind her ear. "Why did you glue that dolphin upside down" Okay, so I'm a little distracted. "He's doing the back stroke."

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."

"this was business."

"Harley-Davidson," she said. "Sweet."

"Then I say, "Let's go and brush our teeth." So Lola says, "But Charlie, I can't brush my teeth because somebody is using my tooth." "But who would use your toothbrush" I ask. Lola says "I think that lion. I saw a lion with my toothbrush and now he's brushing his teeth with it." "But it isn't this your toothbrush Lola" "Oh," says Lola, "he must be using yours."

"I'd like to thank readers. Every time you open a book, it is a strike against ignorance. Unless you're reading Sarah Palin."

"Pleased to meet you." Sage said, offering his hand. "The pleasure is all mine," Rayna Purred. "Unless ofcourse, it's all Clea's which is even better."Sage smiled and might have even blushed a bit, which was highly entertaining."

"Is that all you bought?” His eyes shot to the left. “Um.” I clenched my teeth. “What else?” “A Super Mega Juicer,” he said quickly. “But, Sabina, seriously that juicer is a miracle machine.” “I’m a vampire, Giguhl. The only liquids I drink are blood and alcohol. I don’t do juice."

"I like eggs and bacon,” George tells me. “But”—his face clouds—“do you know that bacon is”—tears leap to his eyes—“Wilbur?” Mrs. Garrett sits down next to him immediately. “George, we’ve been through this. Remember? Wilbur did not get made into bacon.” “That’s right.” I bend down too as wetness overflows George’s lashes. “Charlotte the spider saved him. He lived a long and happy life—with Charlotte’s daughters, um, Nelly and Urania and—” “Joy,” Mrs. Garrett concludes. “You, Samantha, are a keeper. I hope you don’t shoplift.”I start to cough. “No. Never.” “Then is bacon Babe, Mom? Is it Babe?”“No, no, Babe’s still herding sheep. Bacon is not Babe. Bacon is only made from really mean pigs,George.” Mrs. Garrett strokes his hair, then brushes his tears away.“Bad pigs,” I clarify.“There are bad pigs?” George looks nervous. Oops.“Well, pigs with, um, no soul.” That doesn’t sound good either. I cast around for a good explanation. “Like the animals that don’t talk in Narnia.” Dumb. George is four. Would he know Narnia yet? He’s still at Curious George. But understanding lights his face. “Oh. That’s okay then. ’Cause I really like bacon."

"She whistled when she noticed my back. I assume because of my injuries. I mean, my ass just isn't that spectacular."

"You have food" Winter scolded. "I thought you said you were hungry."I'm hungry for other things besides what I have," [Clover] argued."

"I prefer dead writers because you don't run into them at parties."

"It was like hiking into a Hemingway story everything was sepia-toned and bristling with subtext."