Funny

"You Sure this is it" I said. "It looks empty."Empty? No way, there's loads of shit in there," worm replied"

"So his flunkies are what, pirates?"

"How rude of me, we haven’t even introduced ourselves. We’re the Andersons. I’m Evan, the lovely size-zero lass in the floppy sun hat is my wife Amy, and these are our best friends/children, Evan and Amy Jr. As you can see, we’re very fit and active. You know what our family’s average percentage of body fat is? Three. Yes, really. We got it tested last year when we all became organ donors. You may have noticed that I’m carrying Amy on my back. We do that a lot. At least once a day, and not just when we’re in fields like this; we do it on beaches and in urban environments as well. That’s what happens when your love is deep and playful like ours. You should also know that we also dab frosting on each other’s noses every single time we eat cupcakes, which is both mischievous and very us. Do you guys even eat cupcakes?"

"You know what they say, Two pairs a company, cheese a croud"

"Liberace was certainly master and commander of the ivories ~ he is the only pianist I can watch or listen to without suffering a case of 'Stagefright Sympathy Sickness'."

"Uh- you shouldn't mock orange if I were you - Why not?*everyone sings* He will He will mock you He will He will mock you*orange starts singing*Hey buddy bannana You live in a habanayou small like a cabanabut sdon't worry it's gonna be great someday Really?Orange: Nope.. Not really*Everyone sings*He will He will mock you He will He will mock you."

"So where did you get your information? Werewolves for Dummies? No, wait, you watched Underworld? Or maybe you were raised by wolves? Stop mewhen I’m warm.” - Shella"

"...space flight still had a long way to go to catch up with the safety record of the milkshake industry."

"You’re not going to campus. You’re going out to get drunk and play with other ladies’ boobies.” - Kye"

"Reply when questioned on the safety of the polio vaccine he developed:It is safe, and you can't get safer than safe."

"While you’re singing something romantic, I can’t get the lyrics to ‘Love and Marriage’ out of my head, and that tune always reminds me of the jingle from Jeopardy."

"I don't like sleeping in the dark jungle by myself. Ren"

"Why had his mother gone to the trouble of bringing him into the world if the most exciting moment in his life was having been made lame by a bayonet?"

"You don't appreciate a faithful husband when you've got one,' said Tommy.'All my friends tell me you never know with husbands,' said Tuppance.'You have the wrong kind of friends,' said Tommy."

"I don’t know. We’ve kissed. It was nice.”“Nice? Nice is getting an extra shot of espresso in a latte. Nice is finding a dollar on the street. Nice is generic."

"I angle my head down and peer up at him through my lashes in what I hope is an alluring manner. I have zero experience in this area though, so it’s possible I look like a total moron."

"His life was a constant war with insensate objects that fell apart, or attacked him, or refused to function, or viciously got themselves lost as soon as they entered the sphere of his existence."

"Werewolves never joke about age,” he said solemnly.“Why not?”Connor shrugged, a smile teasing his lips. “I dunno,” he finally admitted. “I just thought it sounded good."

"I hate you.'My sister said it different than she said it to my dad. She meant it with me. She really did.'I love you,' was all I could say in return."

"You should praise, criticize and flirt with people right to their face, only then it will make a difference."