Craig Ferguson

Craig Ferguson

"I like football. I find it’s an exciting strategic game. It’s a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving."
57 Quotes
"I like football. I find it’s an exciting strategic game. It’s a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving."
Craig Ferguson
"The wedding took place in Vermont, where they have legalized gay civil unions, and I married a woman."
Craig Ferguson
"I've started looking at my own father a bit funny. He assures me, though, that I really am the son of a Scottish postman."
Craig Ferguson
"I dropped out of high school when I was 16, after I had a huge argument with my English teacher over the meaning of the word 'existentialism."
Craig Ferguson
"I'm reading a book, because I'm brainy. No, it is a book - if you don't know, it is like a blog except bigger."
Craig Ferguson
"It's not that we fly by the seat of our pants. We're not afraid of failure."
Craig Ferguson
"I realized women and humor were linked very closely."
Craig Ferguson
"My job is to find the politicians and the presidents and the pompous people who are telling other people how to live, powerful, visible creatures and ... go at them."
Craig Ferguson
"I realize that I am not a journalist. So anything I say is not important."
Craig Ferguson
"The Universe is very, very big. It also loves a paradox. For example, it has some extremely strict rules. Rule number one: Nothing lasts forever. Not you or your family or your house or your planet or the sun. It is an absolute rule. Therefore when someone says that their love will never die, it means that their love is not real, for everything that is real dies. Rule number two: Everything lasts forever."
Craig Ferguson Between the Bridge and the River
"I have that hypocrisy of a parent in that I'm like,'Come on, you've got to toughen up at the same time let me take care of that for you."
Craig Ferguson
"Be careful who you choose as your hero or who you choose to deify, be it Clay Aiken or Barack Obama. You put all you're hope and all your dreams and all your ideas about stuff into one human being. They're a human being they're going to let you down. You can't make someone your hero because of something you read on the internet. The internet is not a source of information it is a source of disinformation."
Craig Ferguson
"I think people are as individual as snowflakes, they kinda look alike but no two are the exactly the same, and all classification is the root of prejudice."
Craig Ferguson
"I know the fashion is that everything is fair game [for comedy material] but I don't believe that."
Craig Ferguson
"I freely admit I'm confused. I'm a confused and troubled individual but at the same time... Its Free!"
Craig Ferguson
"Laughter separates us from despair, and gives us a chance at love."
Craig Ferguson
"Anyone who's just driven 90 yards against huge men trying to kill them has earned the right to do Jazz hands."
Craig Ferguson
"I love zombies. If any monster could Riverdance, it would be zombies."
Craig Ferguson
"If I have a near-beer, I’m near beer. And if I’m near beer, I’m close to tequila. And if I’m close to tequila, I’m adjacent to cocaine."
Craig Ferguson
"If I start giving people what they like I'll turn into one of them and I don't want to be one of them I want to be one of me."
Craig Ferguson
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