Craig Ferguson

Craig Ferguson

"When in doubt about who's to blame. Blame the English."
57 Quotes
"When in doubt about who's to blame. Blame the English."
Craig Ferguson
"I don't think wood was discovered in Britain until the 1970's. That's when I discovered it anyway."
Craig Ferguson
"114 isn't as old as it used to be they say its the new 104."
Craig Ferguson
"Old people really do have a secret though. You wanna know what it is? Luck."
Craig Ferguson
"I'm gonna enjoy being old I think I'll be awesome at it."
Craig Ferguson
"I don’t think being a comedian gives you any fucking insight into what makes people laugh."
Craig Ferguson
"At CBS, I’m in your house. I’m mindful of that. When I do standup, you’re in my home and I can say what I want to."
Craig Ferguson
"You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout, I'm telling you why,Cause Santa Clause might put a cap in your ass."
Craig Ferguson
"I do love America. And LA is a very short commute to America its like half an hour on the plane."
Craig Ferguson
"I think in our desire to create a better America,we have to have civilized debate in this country and not just yelling."
Craig Ferguson
"Ask yourself the three things you must always ask yourself before you say anything. 1) Does this need to be said 2) “Does this need to be said by me? 3) Does this need to be said by me now?"
Craig Ferguson
"There is no Thanksgiving back in the old country where I come from. You know why? Because being thankful is a sin."
Craig Ferguson
"Thanks cows. I appreciate your tastiness."
Craig Ferguson
"Look, there is nothing you can say about this show that I don't already know"
Craig Ferguson
"Strange star-like object over Oslo right before Obama arrives. A gift of a golden medal given by a group of wise men... Nah."
Craig Ferguson
"It 's the time of year when Canadians mate."
Craig Ferguson
"If a man doesn't know how to dance he doesn't know how to make love, there I said it!"
Craig Ferguson
"By the power of Steven Wright's Beard!"
Craig Ferguson
"I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving."
Craig Ferguson
"That's why Credit card companies are evil. Are they sponsoring the show tonight? ... They are Evil."
Craig Ferguson
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