Men

"Forget men, I want to marry my Mac Book. It’s dependable, reliable and you can even go shopping with it."

"I happen to be immature, undisciplined, and self-centered, pretty much a little boy in a man's body, although I'd appreciate it if you didn't quote me on that.-Bobby Tom"

"Basically, all women are nurturers and healers, and all men are mental patients to varying degrees."

"What I'm expecting is for you to behave like the gentleman I always thought you were."

"When something needs to be said, you look for a man to say it. But when something needs actually to be done, you look for a woman."

"Yes, men are pigs. Except your brother, of course. He's actually a decent human being. Almost a woman.-Jillian's mother"

"I never hated a man enough to give him his diamonds back."

"The only way a woman can ever reform a man is by boring him so completely that he loses all possible interest in life."

"Intelligent men are dangerous."

"Men They hail you as their morning star Because you are the way you are. If you return the sentiment,They'll try to make you different;And once they have you, safe and sound,They want to change you all around. Your moods and ways they put a curse on;They'd make of you another person. They cannot let you go your gait;They influence and educate. They'd alter all that they admired. They make me sick, they make me tired."

"Margaret Atwood, the Canadian novelist, once asked a group of women at a university why they felt threatened by men. The women said they were afraid of being beaten, raped, or killed by men. She then asked a group of men why they felt threatened by women. They said they were afraid women would laugh at them."

"It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin."

"No matter what dimension you're in, there's a big-headed male trying to take over the world."

"I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid."

"You're only a man! You've not our gifts! I can tell you! Why, a woman can think of a hundred different things at once, all them contradictory!"

"A study in the Washington Post says that women havebetter verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh."

"I like men who have a future and women who have a past."

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."

"Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men."

"What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce."