Humor

"Duct tape can't fix stupid," Bas growled. "Maybe not," Red replied, "but it can hold it down and muffled the screams."

"My daughter asked if the boogie man was scary. I said, "Not as scary as the boogie woman."

"There was no way to have a civilized conversation with that guy. It's like he was raised by giraffes or something."

"My girlfriend and I just had make-up sex. We both wore make-up."

"I ordered a single espresso because I wanted a drink I could hook up with."

"Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, you will be a mile away from him, and you will have his shoes."

"He immediately went down with a thud and I was pretty certain most of the furniture in the room jumped when he landed."

"Secrets are dangerous.” Gottfried Baumauer."

"You know that's why mermaids swim around topless all the time, right? It's because their boobs are too big and all bras are C shells."

"Displacement of 'What goes around, comes around' is Zero."

"Well, bloody noses." I hug his coat tighter. "Those are definitely hot."

"Love? Love is for children and poor people..."

"This is the funniest book I’ve ever held in my hands. --Dave Barry, Pulitzer Prize winning humorist and author says about Radical Sabbatical"

"If you don't fall down now and again, it just means the training wheels are working"

"If she did bitch-slap me, I'd bitch-slap her right back, but I resented the word bitch and all its familiar forms, as it was degrading to women and dogs everywhere."

"CASSIO: Dost thou hear, my honest friend?CLOWN: No, I hear not your honest friend, I hear you. CASSIO: Prithee, keep up thy quillets."

"Laughter is the best medicine"

"When you can't make it, just fake it"

"You know, I'm really starting to hate the insect life around here. Next time, remind me to bring a can of Off!"

"Water!' cried Marie.'Vinegar!' recommended the bell-boy.'Eu-de-Cologne!' said Bill.'Pepper!' said Lord Tidmouth. Mary had another suggestion.'Give her air!'So had the bell-boy.'Slap her hands!'Lord Tidmouth went further.'Sit on her head!' he advised."