Humor

"come humans, fulfill your evolutionary purpose adn build your hound a fire." Oberon"

"You are quite possibly the least smooth guy I know,” she mumbled. “You can’t even put your arm around me without tripping up."

"So what were your favorite subjects in school"School" He leaned back in his chair as though he needed the extra space to think about it. "Probably math. It always made sense. Unlike English, economics, and girls."And exactly how do you plan on taking over the free world if you don't understand economics"I'll hire advisers. I'll hire you, in fact."Okay. Let me know when your army of junior high zombies is ready."

"I don't know what it is about "magic happens"-stickers on cars but every time I see one I wanna get out my permanent marker and sneak over and write underneath it "so does cot death"."

"She never saw the point of making fun of strangers – how could you possibly know enough about them to hit below the belt?"

"You seem to know a lot about it," she said. "And you do subtleties."Yeah. Like I've always wanted to destroy the Nine Worlds while committing suicide."Well, there's no need to be rude," protested Sif."

"Life's a party. So smile and eat shit and pretend it's fucking caviar."

"What is your collective GPA for this year?”“Not as high as I'd like it to be.”Freud steepled his fingers in front of his mouth. “What about your parents?”“I don't know. They haven't been in school for a while."

"Kishan stretched out his hand and touched and earring lightly. His rakish pirate about-to-make-off-with-your-woman-and-what-do-you-think-you're-gonna-do-about-it look melted away to a soft smile that turned up the corner of his mouth."

"Do…you…have…a…hard…time…finding…Steve’s dick?” she enunciated, enjoying Mary’s extreme discomfort. “He’s big as a fuckin’ house so I imagine it might be a bit of a problem.” The New Jersey accent that was still there after more than fifteen years in the south, resurfaced in her aggravation."

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.' Yeah, well, whoever wrote that was a friggin' idiot."

"You might as well laugh at yourself,everyone else is."

"You were a well-respected agent, Michael, a rags-to-riches fairytale ending. Until you became disgraced. Now it appears your own organization wishes to be rid of you. Why is this?”“My gun turned back into a pumpkin."

"You know, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.''And yet it is still extremely funny."

"You are a sick, sick man,” I told him.“Thank you,” Ben replied, looking modest."

"High School. Society’s bright idea to put all their aggressive, naive youth into one environment to torment and emotionally scar each other for life."

"I've given her signs! I've given her plenty of signs. What does she want me to do? Slap him across the face with my glove, and challenge him to pistols at dawn?"

"There were so many viciously sarcastic ways to respond, Jaden’s brain was temporarily paralyzed due to witty comeback overload."

"If by ‘foe’ you mean a brutal killer, then I suppose I’d fall into the ‘friend’ category,” I replied cynically. “Although in your case, we may have to find a secret option number three."

"Right. That's twenty-two fifty."Twenty-two fifty" We can't hide our exasperation."Well, yeah - this is a classy joint, you know."That's obvious - the service is incredible."