Humor

"In such societies it is common for ordinary people to seek out celibate spiritual leaders for marriage, love and sometimes sexual guidance. This strikes me as a particularly stupid kind of folly. Nobody ever asks a vegetarian for a recommendation for a steak house"

"If you are against abortions, don't have one."

"Get some sleep, Secretary General, get some sleep. Revolution can wait till the morning."

"The madrigore of verjuice must be talthibianised."

"It's nice to be able to do things for other people, isn't it?That's why it's fun to talk in the third person sometimes."

"For instance, the cards that I wrote for the company's 'I'd Like to Declare My Confused and Ambiguous Fondness for You' line were all notorious failures, some of which were blamed as the single direct cause of several nasty divorces, and some of their purchasers had actually taken the effort to discover the identity of their anonymous author, sending me hate mail, dead fish, and poorly wrapped, oil-stained packages emitting ticking noises."

"History repeats, again."

"When it comes to assassination, execution is everything."

"[An] explanation that was simply in the best traditions of female logic:"I don't know why, but I want it, so you need to give me that expensive thing."

"I denounce the do-gooders, the feel-gooders, the “activist clubs,” and anyone else who makes people feel like the problem is being taken care of. Trust me. The problem is not being taken care of."

"Satire is the antidote to Pollyanna and Dr. Pangloss. It focuses our gaze sharply upon the the contrast between things as they are and as they should be."

"You will be very visible in the company photo, also the website and any other marketing materials. There's no way to avoid it. The photo will only be scheduled when you are in the office, so don't try pretending to be sick. They'll wait for you."

"Now we go in and take over," answered A. "It's our duty to help these people."

"She wore an A-line bridal gown with a V-shaped neckline while Apollo playing Bach's Air on the G string."

"Though firm, we are never too firm, though we love fun, we never have fun in a silly way that makes us appear ridiculous, unless that is our intent."

"... I could feel her burrowing into my heart. I didn't know if the burrowing was like a kitten cuddling up to its mother or if it was like a chigger depositing its larvae underneath the skin of my ankles."

"Like vampires and extremely rich people, black folk can sense one another. Use your Spidey Sense (Blacky Sense?). Use your blackdar to inspect the workplace for signs of Other Negroes. They may be working security for the building. They may be in administrative support. They may be among the associate pool, or they may even be in upper management. Black folk can be anywhere. After all, you're here. But one of the biggest mistakes you can make as The Black Employee is to assume you are the only one."

"I hope Marcus (giggle) is there. Maybe he can defeat the evil Cullens with his mighty battle cry, "I can see relationships!!!"

"A satirist is never certain whether he/she will be acclaimed or punished."

"When the world has once begun to use us ill, it afterwards continues the same treatment with less scruple or ceremony, as men do to a whore."