Funny

"Not a few millions of parents strongly hope that their own children will step in by instantly becoming their own parents’ foster parents, if and when the parents reach their second childhood."

"Four times during the first six days they were assembled and briefed and then sent back. Once, they took off and were flying in formation when the control tower summoned them down. The more it rained, the worse they suffered. The worse they suffered, the more they prayed that it would continue raining. All through the night, men looked at the sky and were saddened by the stars. All through the day, they looked at the bomb line on the big, wobbling easel map of Italy that blew over in the wind and was dragged in under the awning of the intelligence tent every time the rain began. The bomb line was a scarlet band of narrow satin ribbon that delineated the forward most position of the Allied ground forces in every sector of the Italian mainland. For hours they stared relentlessly at the scarlet ribbon on the map and hated it because it would not move up high enough to encompass the city. When night fell, they congregated in the darkness with flashlights, continuing their macabre vigil at the bomb line in brooding entreaty as though hoping to move the ribbon up by the collective weight of their sullen prayers. "I really can't believe it," Clevinger exclaimed to Yossarian in a voice rising and falling in protest and wonder. "It's a complete reversion to primitive superstition. They're confusing cause and effect. It makes as much sense as knocking on wood or crossing your fingers. They really believe that we wouldn't have to fly that mission tomorrow if someone would only tiptoe up to the map in the middle of the night and move the bomb line over Bologna. Can you imagine? You and I must be the only rational ones left."In the middle of the night Yossarian knocked on wood, crossed his fingers, and tiptoed out of his tent to move the bomb line up over Bologna."

"Jamie gawked at the JLM T-shirt peeking out of Theo's leather jacket and his face glowed. "Yes I-L-Y?"

"I’m waiting with baited breath to hear that silver tongue of yours."

"Late twenties, single, female. Do the math. Flirty flings were fabulous until you hit the big three-O, all downhillfrom there. Biological clocks started ticking like time bombs waiting todetonate, gravity exerted more force on your life than your mom, andsuddenly, the dog-ugliest creep looked like Jake Gyllenhaal."

"Gay sex, one. Straight sex, zero"

"Finally, Charlie gave up the hunt and placed (the puppy) back on the floor, dispatching fleas was not his idea of a romantic evening, unless you happened to be a twisted exterminator, he thought."

"Excuse me,” she said, her voice tight. “But if I’d known there was going to be a firearms examination at the end of the kidnapping, by God, I would have studied for it!"

"I know what party you’re talking about. I might have to swing through. Especially if you’re going to be there in a costume.” He winked and leaned back in his seat.“I’m going as a homeless person.”“Sexy."

"I had liked him for all the wrong reasons."

"Dammit. I think I’m in like with the naked man I met today."

"You don’t understand,’ I said. ‘I need to be with her. With every fibre of my being I ache for her. I’m in love.’‘I do understand,’ said Zoran. ‘It was same for me with Mrs Zoran when I first meet her. But the feeling goes away after few hours."

"I’m a firm believer in equality at all times—”“At all times,” he repeated. “However, in the bedroom or in the club, I am a lot more equal than you."

"Her mouth set. "I've already lost one man I loved tonight. I will not lose the other." She glared at him. "And curse you, you stone head, for making me say it first."

"What are you doing here?”All right, he was standing in front of an easel, holding a paint palette and brush. “Taxidermy?” he responded with just a touch of his own sarcasm."

"You said she's a senior? Babe we're ALL crazy."

"Your big scary husband is crying."

"What the dev— er, deuce did you do that for? It hurt!”“Good,” said the angel. “I was afraid these new shoes would not be sturdy enough."

"Brooke" he finally found the sense to ask. "What are you doing here"I need a gun."This was not how his dream was supposed to go."

"Her hands shot up. “See that’s exactly what I’m saying. You’re seeing what you want, and what you see you explain away and excuse things like you’re fixing me. I’m not perfect, Ephraim and I really wish you would see that.” “You drool.” “What?” That caught her off guard. “When you’re asleep you drool. I’ve woken up more than a few times with a little puddle forming on my chest.” After a thought he added. “And you snore. Not a delicate snore either mind you.” “I do not!” Her face colored with indignation. He sighed heavily as if the knowledge pained him. “Oh, but you do. I’ve even heard Jill talk about it. Did you know that’s the main reason she was happy about her room. Actually, she and Joshua thanked your Grandmother for putting you at the other end of the house, something about finally getting a decent night’s sleep. They compared your snore to a chainsaw. I can see why they’d say that."