Rodney Dangerfield

Rodney Dangerfield

"I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers."
43 Quotes
"I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive."
Rodney Dangerfield
"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap."
Rodney Dangerfield
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