Rodney Dangerfield

Rodney Dangerfield

"My mother had morning sickness after I was born."
43 Quotes
"My mother had morning sickness after I was born."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can't."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"I'm at the age when food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"I haven't spoken to my wife in years-I didn't want to interrupt her."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far I had a good day. I got a dial tone."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"You gotta look out for number one, but don't step in number two!"
Rodney Dangerfield
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"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"I'm not a hypochondriac, but my gynaecologist firmly believes I am."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back"
Rodney Dangerfield
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"I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it."
Rodney Dangerfield
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"I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio."
Rodney Dangerfield
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