Rodney Dangerfield

Rodney Dangerfield

"I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers."
43 Quotes
"I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers."
Rodney Dangerfield
"Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it."
Rodney Dangerfield
"What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife."
Rodney Dangerfield
"I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it."
Rodney Dangerfield
"My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home."
Rodney Dangerfield
"A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home."
Rodney Dangerfield
"My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive."
Rodney Dangerfield
"I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her."
Rodney Dangerfield
"I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people."
Rodney Dangerfield
"The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest."
Rodney Dangerfield
"My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was."
Rodney Dangerfield
"My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend."
Rodney Dangerfield
"We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together."
Rodney Dangerfield
"It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass."
Rodney Dangerfield
"When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother."
Rodney Dangerfield
"I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get."
Rodney Dangerfield
"Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid."
Rodney Dangerfield
"What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm."
Rodney Dangerfield
"I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it."
Rodney Dangerfield
"I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap."
Rodney Dangerfield
✉️

Get more quotes like Rodney Dangerfield's — every morning.

Join thousands of wisdom seekers getting daily quotes from 300,000+ curated sources.

Free forever. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime.