Rita Rudner

Rita Rudner

"Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid."
43 Quotes
"Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid."
Rita Rudner
"To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior."
Rita Rudner
"Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"
Rita Rudner
"My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to."
Rita Rudner
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
Rita Rudner
"In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk."
Rita Rudner
"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."
Rita Rudner
"I had the worst birthday party ever when I was a child because my parents hired a pony to give rides. And these ponies are never in good health. But this one dropped dead. It just wasn't much fun after that. One kid would sit on him and the rest of us would drag him around."
Rita Rudner
"It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."
Rita Rudner
"I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso."
Rita Rudner
"We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet."
Rita Rudner
"Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?"
Rita Rudner
"Stand-up is my favorite thing I've ever done. There's so much independence."
Rita Rudner
"I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose."
Rita Rudner
"I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours."
Rita Rudner
"Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times."
Rita Rudner
"There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better."
Rita Rudner
"Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to."
Rita Rudner
"My father watched football with the sound off because he lived in fear of hearing the voice of Howard Cosell."
Rita Rudner
"All men look at Dr. Ruth and wonder how she has gained all that sexual experience."
Rita Rudner
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