Dorothy Parker

"Lips that taste of tears they say are the best for kissing."

"Scratch a lover and find a foe."

"Men seldom make passes At girls who wear glasses."

"The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant - and let the air out of the tires."

"It cost me never a stab nor squirm To tread by chance upon a worm. 'Aha my little dear' I say 'Your clan will pay me back one day."

"Poisons pain you Rivers are damp Acid stains you And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful Nooses give Gas smells awful You might as well live."

"Where unwilling dies the rose Buds the new another year."

"Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it and it darts away."

"They sicken of calm who know the storm."

"They sicken of the calm that know the storm."

"I hate writing, I love having written."

"“I won't telephone him. I'll never telephone him again as long as I live. He'll rot in hell, before I'll call him up. You don't have to give me strength, God; I have it myself. If he wanted me, he could get me. He knows where I am. He knows I'm waiting here. He's so sure of me, so sure. I wonder why they hate you, as soon as they are sure of you.”"

"Inventory:Four be the things I am wiser to know:Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe. Four be the things I'd been better without:Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt. Three be the things I shall never attain:Envy, content, and sufficient champagne. Three be the things I shall have till I die:Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye."

"In youth, it was a way I had,To do my best to please. And change, with every passing lad To suit his theories. But now I know the things I know And do the things I do,And if you do not like me so,To hell, my love, with you."

"Eternity is a ham and two people” (also given as “Eternity is two people and a ham") is an old quip from the days when a ham was huge—far more than two people could finish. Irma Rombauer mentions this line in her famous cookbook, The Joy of Cooking."

"She realizes she doesn't know as much as God but feels she knows as much as God knew when he was her age."

"Yet, as only New Yorkers know, if you can get through the twilight, you'll live through the night."

"London is satisfied, Paris is resigned, but New York is always hopeful. Always it believes that something good is about to come off, and it must hurry to meet it."

"I shudder at the thought of men... I'm due to fall in love again"

"He'll be cross if he sees I have been crying. They don't like you to cry. He doesn't cry. I wish to God I could make him cry. I wish I could make him cry and tread the floor and feel his heart heavy and big and festering in him. I wish I could hurt him like hell. He doesn't wish that about me. I don't think he even knows how he makes me feel. I wish he could know, without my telling him. They don't like you to tell them they've made you cry. They don't like you to tell them you're unhappy because of them. If you do, they think you're possessive and exacting. And then they hate you. They hate you whenever you say anything you really think. You always have to keep playing little games. Oh, I thought we didn't have to; I thought this was so big I could say whatever I meant. I guess you can't, ever. I guess there isn't ever anything big enough for that."