Mark Twain

"Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't."

"What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce."

"There is no distinctly native American criminal class save Congress."

"The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also."

"I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

"I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know."

"Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when it deserves it."

"There are two kinds of patriotism -- monarchical patriotism and republican patriotism. In the one case the government and the king may rightfully furnish you their notions of patriotism; in the other, neither the government nor the entire nation is privileged to dictate to any individual what the form of his patriotism shall be. The gospel of the monarchical patriotism is: "The King can do no wrong." We have adopted it with all its servility, with an unimportant change in the wording: "Our country, right or wrong!" We have thrown away the most valuable asset we had:-- the individual's right to oppose both flag and country when he (just he, by himself) believed them to be in the wrong. We have thrown it away; and with it all that was really respectable about that grotesque and laughable word, Patriotism."

"To be a patriot, one had to say, and keep on saying, "Our Country, right or wrong," and urge on the little war. Have you not perceived that that phrase is an insult to the nation?"

"Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be."

"Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself."

"The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time."

"Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life."

"I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them have never happened."

"Drag your thoughts awayfrom your troubles...by the ears, by the heels,or any other way you can manage it."

"Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed down-stairs one step at a time."

"Never have a battle of wits with an unarmed person."

"The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter."

"Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get."

"Use what you stand for and what you oppose as a foundation to write great content that resonates with readers and creates a ripple effect."