Humor

"In this section you will learn how to use the tools the way that I think you will choose to use them by default."

"I won't say that all senior citizens who can't master technology should be publicly flogged, but if we made an example of one or two, it might give the others incentive to try harder."

"War created the conditions for great advances in technology...without war men would not traverse oceans in hours, travel in space, or microwave popcorn."

"It happens to us all. We drink too much, take one too many hits of acid, proposition the wrong prostitute and end up by the side of some freeway, disheveled and disoriented."

"Now, as a non-Amish person in the twentieth century who is not a part of the aging and thus noncoveted seventy-five-plus marketing demographic that views things like cell phones and i Pads with that quaint, old-people mixture of astonishment, fascination, confusion, and abject fear, I spend as much time pawing my cell phone as members of the postpubescent marketing demographic spend pawing each other and themselves."

"Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth."

"What, exactly, is the Internet? Basically it is a global network exchanging digitized data in such a way that any computer, anywhere, that is equipped with a device called a “modem” can make a noise like a duck choking on a kazoo."

"Technology is too crazy for me, but I would be very happy when they make phone that can cook."

"Way to defuse a situation. It's tough to enjoy a good bloodbath in the middle of a Power Point presentation."

"Wow. Whoops. Sorry. ... I just lost two hours inside a You Tube kitten warp."

"we are writing our own ‪#‎karma‬! I mean my test cases"

"Could we can have developer acceptance criteria?"

"Yes, you are a battery."

"Try to imagine the calamity of that: Zack, age twenty-eight, with no management experience, gets training from Dave, a weekend rock guitarist, on how to apply a set of fundamentally unsound psychological principles as a way to manipulate the people who report to him."

"We want to empower the doctors and patients to get all the other assholes out of the way,' Clark had once told me, then laughed. 'Except for us. One asshole in the middle."

"Just because he might not know the difference between a spanner and a hammer, didn’t mean a good dose of Heroic kicking wouldn’t solve the same problem."

"Email is the scourge of our age,' said Silvia. 'Email and cancer."

"Necessity used to be the mother of invention, but then we ran out of things that were necessary."

"Forget UNIX - it will be gone in 5 years."

"Twittering just seemed to be people telling other people what they were doing--getting in the shower, making coffee. Who on earth wanted to know these things?... Babble and twitter. Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."