Humor

"Are there not times, Ridley, when you yourself wish only to hear the best in people – and not to be dragged downwards into the underworld we all regularly inhabit?"

"You are a more powerful person than you might have ever imagined.” Maxwell D. Kalist."

"He’s in a side room alone with her and it’s far too fucking hot."

"To Kalist, Baumauer’s just a timber bridge in need of a good hot fire."

"Every time I so much as blink you get an erection."

"Only men with intelligence, confidence and absolutely no empathy at all can progress upstairs."

"Men circle like bees around honey, buzzing to communicate their sexual despair."

"Don’t mock my suggestions, Ridley – one day in the near future, they might just save your life.” Maxwell D. Kalist."

"It’s late and most of the clerks are at home in their beds, dreaming of swimming in pools filled with real money."

"Shame comes in different doses."

"Without pride, man becomes a parasite – and there are already too many parasites."

"Skul-man!' he exclaimed as he rushed forward to shake his hand. 'Last I heard you were trapped on a dead world overrun by evil trans-dimensional superfiends!' Skulduggery nodded. 'Just got back."

"Sometimes I hate him. When he does the dishes, he shakes off each one before setting it in the drying rack. Water flies everywhere. A couple of drops always hit me in the face. I have to leave the room to avoid smashing a plate against his head."

"What's a Dullahan''He's a headless horseman, in the service of the banshee.''Headless''Yes.''Seriously''Yes.''So he has no head''That's usually what headless means.''No head at all''You're really getting hung up on this headless thing, aren't you''It's just kind of silly, even for us.''Yet you spend your days with a living skeleton.''But at least he has a head.''True.''He even has a spare."

"Bah-Bah-black sheep, have you any soul?No sir, by the way, what the hell are morals?"

"The guy had guts—I had to give him that. Later on I was hoping for a first-hand look at them."

"Not very tall, not very dark but very...very handsome,’ was his way of describing himself."

"Life is a beautiful thing. Plant it in the ground, and it blooms into opportunity, capice?"

"It is important to correct bad behavior one toe at a time."

"Low ceiling, stone walls, a dirt floor stamped with paw prints. I never go in without announcing myself. 'Hyaa!' I yell. 'Hyaa. Hyaa!' It's the sound my father makes when entering his toolshed, the cry of cowboys as they round up dogies, and it suggests a certain degree of authority. Snakes, bats, weasels --it's time to head up and move on out."