Humor

"For the record, I blame you for this.”“Me?” huffed Shahin. “This was your idea.”“Well...you should have talked me out of it! You and your brilliant schemes—bah! This particular detail will not go into our report, understand?”“Rest assured, you'll find me silent as the grave on this point.”“And stop using morbid expressions!"

"I have learned that particularly clever ideas do not always stand up under close scrutiny."

"The walking tour guides one through the city's various landmarks, reciting bits of information the listener might find enlightening. I learned, for example, that in the late 1500s my little neighborhood square was a popular spot for burning people alive. Now lined with a row of small shops, the tradition continues, though in a figurative rather than literal sense."

"In my experience, what every true artist wants, really wants, is to be paid."

"Don't be an artist. Be somebody's artist."

"Some things are so silly they have a certain brilliance to them. Other things, set as standards for brilliance and therefore exalted by many who don't know why, become tarnished because of it."

"Like many people who dress in black, the lump of coal was interested in becoming an artist."

"They say everything looks better with odd numbers of things. But sometimes I put even numbers—just to upset the critics."

"There is, perhaps, no more dangerous man in the world than the man with the sensibilities of an artist but without creative talent. With luck such men make wonderful theatrical impresarios and interior decorators, or else they become mass murderers or critics."

"a politician is an arse uponwhich everyone has sat except a man"

"You write poetry" Klaus asked. He had read a lot about poets but had never met one."Just a little bit," Isadora said modestly. "I write poems down in this notebook. It's an interest of mine."Sappho!" Sunny shrieked, which meant something like, "I'd be very pleased to hear a poem of yours!"

"The wall between writing and painting is just good grammar. Moderation in moderation. Fun is scary with a happy ending. Just love. If love doesn’t transform that which annoys you, it will be easier to tolerate."

"I've been writing poems since I was sixteen. Back then, poems were an obvious release for all the frustrations and anxieties associated with adolescence. Mostly, they were a way for me to impress girls, even though I never remember any girls being impressed."

"Roses are red Violets are blue I don't go on this account So go away SHOO!"

"He pulled me close and said, "Katie, don't leave me, you're my breath, I refuse to live without you."It was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard, but I still walked away, because my name is Anne Marie."

"We left dents on each other. Mine was in her heart, and hers was on my car."

"Good folk, I have no coin,To take were to purloin:I have no copper in my purse,I have no silver either,And all my gold is on the furze That shakes in windy weather Above the rusy heather."

"i am like a dead begoniahanging upside down because like a dead begonia I don't give a fuck"

"Ourchestra:So you haven't got a drum, just beat your belly. So I haven't got a horn-I'll play my nose. So we haven't any cymbals-We'll just slap our hands together,And though there may be orchestras That sound a little better With their fancy shiny instruments That cost an awful lot-Hey, we're making music twice as good By playing what we've got!"

"Because when you’re a 23-year old party girl who has to pee you don’t really think about the possibility that your nerdy bouncer friend might suddenly start acting like a trench-coated pedophile who flashes kids at the park."