Susan Juby, Home to Woefield

"This bastard was in a self-help program? For what? Square-jawed, cleft-chin sufferers? Handsome Bastards Anonymous?"

"Fucking Hallmark never wrote anything for how I felt then. When Metallica and the rest of the metal community pitched in to pay for Acrassicauda, the Iraqi heavy metal band, to move to the US is the only thing that comes close. And maybe the late-breaking success of Anvil. I had a toasty heart, especially after I got called back to pick up first prize for Miss Frizz. Ah, never mind. You know what I'm saying."

"I had this vision of the two of us holding hands or getting into some light petting behind shower curtains or up in the fencing aisle or some shit."

"Wetting one's pants is no kind of self-esteem builder."