Anonymous

Anonymous

"When I told her we were going to roast her she said "Of course . . . they only crucify the innocent."
1,303 Quotes
"When I told her we were going to roast her she said "Of course . . . they only crucify the innocent."
Anonymous
"As one skeleton said to the other - if I had any guts I'd get the heck out of here."
Anonymous
"Thanks for the nice introduction. Next to my resume that's the closest I'll ever come to perfection."
Anonymous
"We were worried that our main speaker wouldn't be able to make it tonight. But fortunately due to a hole in the prosecution's case . . ."
Anonymous
"I hope you will excuse my being late. The person in this organization who gave me directions here has obviously heard me speak before."
Anonymous
"When I was preparing for this speech I asked my family for advice. One member replied "There's a first time for everything so try to be funny and brief."
Anonymous
"Most experts suggest that one should open with a joke. Obviously they've never heard me tell a joke."
Anonymous
"Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I'm pleased to be with you. (Pause) That concludes my prepared remarks."
Anonymous
"I'm moving down here . . . because some of you in the back might not be able to hear my talk . . . and that wouldn't be fair to those who can hear it."
Anonymous
"The most important thing in our lives is what we are doing now."
Anonymous
"Time cannot be expanded accumulated mortgaged hastened or retarded."
Anonymous
"Time stays long enough for anyone who will use it."
Anonymous
"One day of pleasure is worth two of sorrow."
Anonymous
"What you are afraid to do is a clear indicator of the next thing you need to do."
Anonymous
"The great business of life is to be to do to do without and to depart."
Anonymous
"Learn as if you were going to live forever. Live as if you were going to die tomorrow."
Anonymous
"The race is not always to the swift but to those who keep on running."
Anonymous
"It's the steady constant driving to the goal for which you're striving not the speed with which you travel that will make your victory sure."
Anonymous
"I'm not there yet but I'm closer than I was yesterday."
Anonymous
"If something is boring after two minutes try it for four. If still boring try for eight sixteen thirty-two and so on. Eventually one discovers that it is not boring but very interesting."
Anonymous
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