Derek Landy

"The fact is that we have no way of knowing if the person who we think we are is at the core of our being. Are you a decent girl with the potential to someday become an evil monster, or are you an evil monster that thinks it's a decent girl?Wouldn't I know which one I was?Good God, no. The lies we tell other people are nothing to the lies we tell ourselves."

"Doors are for people with no imagination."

"You've done what?I know, he said. You're impressed. You send me out for bread and I come back with a boy. Well, not literally. That would be weird. Even for me."

"Have you killed anyone? she asked quickly. What? Did you miss what I said, about turning murder intoan art form?But you haven’t actually killed anyone yet, have you? I readyour file. He glowered. Technically, yeah, all right, maybe I haven’t"

"We can do this the easy way,' Oblivious snarled. 'Or the hard way.''What's the easy way''You leave immediately.''And what's the hard way''We make you leave.'Skulduggery's head tilted. 'What was the easy way again?"

"Of course I want to kill you, said Skulduggery. I want to kill most people. But then where would I be? In a field of dead people with no one to talk to."

"Is that it?No. That’s a wall. It could be disguised. You’re not very good at looking for things, are you?I’m good at looking for walls. Look, I found another one."

"You be sure to throw the book at him, you hear me? I feel violated, Detective. Violated. I'll throw this table at you if you don't give us the names we're looking for."

"It's a very small object to be capable of doing many wonderful things, don't you think?It does much more that that, Valkyrie said, opening up a game and showing it to him. His eyes widened. What wonder is this?It's called Angry Birds. Now do you believe me?"

"You accused me of murder. Do you make a habit of bringing schoolgirls into an interview room with murder suspects' He waved his hand. 'Oh, I was only joking about that. I don't really think you murdered someone. Unless you did, in which case I reserve the right to say I knew it all along."

"What? she asked again. He pointed ahead of them. See that?What, the snow?Beyond that. More snow?Stop looking at the snow."

"I'm sorry,' said the shopkeeper. 'I can't understand your ridiculous accent.''My accent''It is quite silly.''So you can't understand me''Not a word.''Then how did you understand that''I didn't.' ''You didn't understand what I just said''That's right.''You understood that, though.''Not at all.'The American glowered."

"I had an uneventful few days, it told her. The most exciting thing was an hour-long lecture from the headmaster on taking our studies seriously. He said next year's exam will arrive sooner than we think. No, they won't, Valkyrie said, frowning. They'll arrive next year, exactly when we expect them. That's what I told him, the reflection nodded. I don't think he's comfortable with logic, because he didn't look happy. He sent me to the Career Guidance counsellor, who asked me what I wanted to do after college. Valkyrie stowed her black clothes. What did you say?I told her I wanted to be a Career Guidance counsellor. She started crying, then accused me of mocking her. I told her if she wasn't happy in her job then she should look at other options, then pointed out that I was already doing her job better than she was. She gave me detention."

"Emergency Valve Regulators, she repeated. So you do know what your doing?Not really, he said yanking another wire. 'I made up that term to keep you happy. I'm just pulling all the red wires because they're the pretty ones."

"Oh, China. How I have missed you.''And I have missed you, Eliza. But don't worry, next time my aim will be better."

"He crouched at the car window and looked in. 'What a lovely family you have. What a charming family. They're all lovely. Except for that one.' His finger jabbed the glass. 'That one's a bit ugly."

"Is he all scarred now?Magic gets rid of most physical scars, but I like to think I scarred him emotionally."

"The man had a smooth voice, like velvet. I’m Detective Inspector Me. Unusual name, I know. My family were incredibly narcissistic. I’m lucky I escaped with any degree of humility at all, to be honest, but then I’ve always managed to exceed expectations. You are Kenny Dunne, are you not?I am. Just a few questions for you, Mr Dunne. Or Kenny. Can I call you Kenny? I feel we’ve become friends these past few seconds. Can I call you Kenny?Sure, Kenny said, slightly baffled. Thank you. Thank you very much. It’s important you feel comfortable around me, Kenny. It’s important we build up a level of trust. That way I’ll catch you completely unprepared when I suddenly accuse you of murder."

"I love you all, even those I don’t particularly like. That’s you, Beryl."

"What would killing the Elders result in? Panic? Fear? Three empty parking spaces in the Sanctuary?"