Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck

"You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates."
89 Quotes
"You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates."
Erma Bombeck
"The family. We are a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste coveting one another's desserts hiding shampoo locking each other out of our rooms inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant loving laughing defending and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together."
Erma Bombeck
"Never lend your car to someone you've given birth to."
Erma Bombeck
"I read one psychologist's theory that said "Never strike a child in your anger." When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he's recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?"
Erma Bombeck
"Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put "I love Mom" on the license plate."
Erma Bombeck
"Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for go live with a car battery."
Erma Bombeck
"When I stand before God at the end of my life I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say "I used everything you gave me."
Erma Bombeck
"One certainty when you travel is the moment you arrive in a foreign country the American dollar will fall like a stone."
Erma Bombeck
"Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago."
Erma Bombeck
"“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me.”"
Erma Bombeck
"We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings."
Erma Bombeck
"Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving."
Erma Bombeck
"There was a time when the one singular thing that held a marriage together was the threat of getting the kids."
Erma Bombeck
"Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children."
Erma Bombeck
"Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on."
Erma Bombeck
"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, I used everything you gave me."
Erma Bombeck
"You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness. You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism."
Erma Bombeck
"I come from a home where gravy is a beverage."
Erma Bombeck
"Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence."
Erma Bombeck
"The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one."
Erma Bombeck
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