Jerry Seinfeld

Jerry Seinfeld

"If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?"
33 Quotes
"If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?"
Jerry Seinfeld
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"Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there."
Jerry Seinfeld
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"Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV."
Jerry Seinfeld
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"To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving."
Jerry Seinfeld
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"I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive."
Jerry Seinfeld
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"Being a stand-up is my mission in life; it's my passion. My ongoing goal is to simply be funny, on my own, in front of a roomful of strangers."
Jerry Seinfeld
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"A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it."
Jerry Seinfeld
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"Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome."
Jerry Seinfeld
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"You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out."
Jerry Seinfeld
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"We want to do a lot of stuff we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup."
Jerry Seinfeld
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"We want to do a lot of stuff we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup."
Jerry Seinfeld
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"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."
Jerry Seinfeld
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"Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death."
Jerry Seinfeld
"That's the true spirit of Christmas people being helped by people other than me."
Jerry Seinfeld
"Nobody enjoys the 'little show about nothing' humor more than me, but that is never the way I look at it."
Jerry Seinfeld
"The number-one fear in life is public speaking and the number-two fear is death. This means that if you go to a funeral you're better off in the casket than giving the eulogy."
Jerry Seinfeld
"It's good to play and you must keep in practice."
Jerry Seinfeld
"I was the best man at the wedding. So why is she marrying him?"
Jerry Seinfeld
"There's no way that moving in with your parents is a sign that your life is on track."
Jerry Seinfeld
"The best revenge is living well."
Jerry Seinfeld
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