Jerry Seinfeld
"The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!"
33 Quotes
"A bookstore is one of the many pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking."
Jerry Seinfeld
"I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything."
Jerry Seinfeld
"I don't understand women at all. Like how a women can pour boiling hot wax onto their upper thigh, then rip the hair out by the root... and still be afraid of a spider."
Jerry Seinfeld
"Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end."
Jerry Seinfeld
"The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever seen that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. ‘Come on, buddy, let’s go. You get past me, the guy in the back of me, he’s got a spoon. Back off, I’ve got the toe clippers right here."
Jerry Seinfeld
"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper."
Jerry Seinfeld
"Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door."
Jerry Seinfeld
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