Tina Fey, Bossypants
"I would not trade any of these features for anybody else’s. I wouldn’t trade the small thin-lipped mouth that makes me resemble my nephew. I wouldn’t even trade the acne scar on my right cheek, because that recurring zit spent more time with me in college than any boy ever did."
58 Quotes
"I would not trade any of these features for anybody else’s. I wouldn’t trade the small thin-lipped mouth that makes me resemble my nephew. I wouldn’t even trade the acne scar on my right cheek, because that recurring zit spent more time with me in college than any boy ever did."
Tina Fey, Bossypants
"It was a major and deeply embarrassing teenage revelation. It must be how straight teenage boys feel when they realize those boobs they like have heads attached to them."
Tina Fey, Bossypants
"As an improviser, I always find it jarring when I meet someone in real life whose first answer is no. “No, we can’t do that.” “No, that’s not in the budget.” “No, I will not hold your hand for a dollar.” What kind of way is that to live?"
Tina Fey, Bossypants
"It's one thing to be a wisecracking precocious teen hanging out with twenty-seven year olds. It's another thing to get in the way of a grown man trying to get laid."
Tina Fey, Bossypants
"I have a strong urge to lie down and pretend this is not happening—like the old couple in Titanic."
Tina Fey, Bossypants
"There's a Drunk Midget in My House Ah, babies! They're more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts. Like most people who have had one baby, I am an expert on everythiing and will tell you, unsolicited, how to raise your kid!"
Tina Fey, Bossypants
"There are different types of fancy photographers. Some are big, fun personalities like Mario Testino, who once told me, “Lift your chin, darling, you are not eighteen.” I enjoyed his honesty. Also, I’m pretty sure he says that to models who are nineteen."
Tina Fey, Bossypants
"Almost everyone first realized they were becoming a grown woman when some dude did something nasty to them. ... It was mostly men yelling shit from cars. Are they a patrol sent out to let girls know they've crossed into puberty? If so, it's working."
Tina Fey, Bossypants
"(Don Fey had a large rubber stamp that said "bullshit," which was and is awesome.)"
Tina Fey, Bossypants
"Your father doesn't fucking play games. you would never come home with a shamrock tattoo in that house."
Tina Fey, Bossypants
"A wise friend once told me, 'Don't wear what fashion designers tell you to wear. Wear what _they_ wear.' His point being that most designers, no matter what they throw onto the runway, favor simple, flattering pieces for themselves."
Tina Fey, Bossypants
"I find, the fancier the fashion magazine is, the worse the Photoshop. It’s as if they are already so disgusted that a human has to be in the clothes, they can’t stop erasing human features."
Tina Fey, Bossypants
"It is a testament to my parents that they never reacted negatively to the four-year-long pride parade that marched through their house."
Tina Fey, Bossypants
"Because, like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, I was embraced by the gays. They loved me and praised me. I was funny and so mean and mature for my age!"
Tina Fey, Bossypants
"It's a great lesson about not being too precious about your writing. You have to try your hardest to be at the top of your game and improve every joke you can until the last possible second, and then you have to let it go. You can't be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it... You have to let people see what you wrote."
Tina Fey, Bossypants
"Photoshop is just like makeup. When it’s done well it looks great, and when it’s overdone you look like a crazy asshole."
Tina Fey, Bossypants
"You could put a blond wig on a hot-water heater and some dude would try to fuck it."
Tina Fey, Bossypants
"(My proudest moment as a child was the time I beat my uncle Pierre at Scrabble with the seven-letter word FARTING.)"
Tina Fey, Bossypants
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