Christopher Moore, Fool

"I gave you all!" screeched Lear, waving a palsied claw at Regan."And you took your bloody time giving it, too, you senile old fuck," said Regan."

"An original thought would crack your feeble skull like a thunderbolt, you craven vulture."

"Sarcasm will make your tits fall off."

"She can be a whirlwind of tits and terror when she puts her mind to a purpose, can't she, sir?"

"I'm beginning to wonder," said Kent, sitting down now on an overturned wooden tub. "Who do I serve? Why am I here"You are here, because, in the expanding ethical ambiguity of our situation, you are steadfast in your righteousness. It is to you, our banished friend, that we all turn—a light amid the dark dealings of family and politics. You are the moral backbone on which the rest of us hang our bloody bits. Without you we are merely wiggly masses of desire writhing in our own devious bile."Really" asked the old knight. Aye," said I. I'm not sure I want to keep company with you lot, then."

"Sweet Pocket, you mustn’t ask about my life before I came here. What I am now, I have always been, and everything I am is here with you.”　　“Sweet Thalia,” said I. “That is a fiery flagon of dragon toss."

"I love you above all things, even pie."

"Love needs room to grow. Like a rose. Or a tumor."