Demetri Martin
"Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets."
27 Quotes
"No one ever thinks about the guy who was raised by the guy who was raised by wolves."
Demetri Martin
"I am a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a pita. Why the pita? That counts as another mystery."
Demetri Martin
"I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater."
Demetri Martin
"Sort of' is such a harmless thing to say... sort of. It's just a filler. Sort of... it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like... after "I love you"... or "You're going to live"... or "It's a boy!"
Demetri Martin
"I like video games, but they're really violent. I'd like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It'd be called 'Really Busy Hospital."
Demetri Martin
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