Jenny Lawson, Let's Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir
"I've found, though, that people are more likely to share their personal experiences if you go first, so that's why I always keep an eleven-point list of what went wrong in my childhood to share with them. Also I usually crack open a bottle of tequila to share with them, because alcohol makes me less nervous, and also because I'm from the South, and in Texas we offer drinks to strangers even when we're waiting in line at the liquor store. In Texas we call that '_southern hospitality_.' The people who own the liquor store call it 'shoplifting.' Probably because they're Yankees. I'm not allowed to go back to that liquor store."
7 Quotes
"I've found, though, that people are more likely to share their personal experiences if you go first, so that's why I always keep an eleven-point list of what went wrong in my childhood to share with them. Also I usually crack open a bottle of tequila to share with them, because alcohol makes me less nervous, and also because I'm from the South, and in Texas we offer drinks to strangers even when we're waiting in line at the liquor store. In Texas we call that '_southern hospitality_.' The people who own the liquor store call it 'shoplifting.' Probably because they're Yankees. I'm not allowed to go back to that liquor store."
"لكنني وجدت أن الناس يميلون أكثر لمشاركة تجاربهم الشخصية إذا بادرتُ أنا أولاً، ولهذا السبب أحتفظ دائمًا بقائمة من إحدى عشرة نقطة حول ما ساء في طفولتي لأشاركهم إياها. كما أنني عادةً ما أفتح زجاجة تكيلا لأشاركهم إياها، لأن الكحول يقلل من توتري، ولأنني أيضًا من الجنوب، وفي تكساس نقدم المشروبات للغرباء حتى ونحن ننتظر في طابور متجر الخمور. في تكساس نسمي ذلك "كرم الضيافة الجنوبي". أما أصحاب متجر الخمور فيسمونه "السرقة من المتجر". ربما لأنهم من الشمال.
لا يُسمح لي بالعودة إلى متجر الخمور ذاك."
Jenny Lawson, Let's Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir
"That night I looked up at those same stars, but I didn't want any of those things. I didn't want Egypt, or France, or far-flung destinations. I just wanted to go back to my life from my childhood, just to visit it, and touch it, and to convince myself that yes, it had been real."
"تلك الليلة، رفعتُ بصري إلى النجوم ذاتها، لكنني لم أعد أرغب في أي من تلك الأشياء. لم أعد أريد مصر، ولا فرنسا، ولا الوجهات البعيدة. كل ما أردته هو العودة إلى حياتي الطفولية، مجرد زيارة لها، ولمسها، وإقناع نفسي بأنها، نعم، كانت حقيقية."
Jenny Lawson, Let's Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir
"I sometimes wonder what it would have been like to have a childhood that was _not_ like mine. I have no real frame of reference, but when I question strangers I've found that their childhood generally had much less blood in it, and also that strangers seem uncomfortable when you question them about their childhood. But really, what else are you going to talk about in line at the liquor store? Childhood trauma seems like the natural choice, since it's the reason why most of us are in line there to begin with."
"أتساءل أحيانًا كيف كان سيكون الحال لو كانت طفولتي مختلفة، لو لم تكن مثلما كانت. ليس لدي مرجع حقيقي، لكن عندما أسأل الغرباء، أجد أن طفولتهم كانت عمومًا أقل دموية بكثير، وأيضًا يبدو الغرباء غير مرتاحين عندما تسألهم عن طفولتهم. ولكن حقًا، ما الذي ستتحدث عنه غير ذلك وأنت تنتظر في طابور متجر الخمور؟ تبدو صدمات الطفولة الخيار الطبيعي، فهي السبب الذي يدفع معظمنا للوقوف في هذا الطابور من الأساس."
Jenny Lawson, Let's Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir
"strangers seem uncomfortable when you question them about their childhood. But really, what else are you going to talk about in line at the liquor store? Childhood trauma seems like the natural choice, since it’s the reason why most of us are in line there to begin with."
"يبدو الغرباء متضايقين حين تسألهم عن طفولتهم. ولكن، ما الذي ستتحدث عنه حقًا وأنت تنتظر في طابور متجر الخمور؟ تبدو صدمات الطفولة الخيار الطبيعي، فهي السبب الذي يدفع معظمنا للوقوف في هذا الطابور من الأساس."
Jenny Lawson, Let's Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir
"No," I replied testily. "I'm pretty sure 'digital' is Latin for 'fingeral,' so finger cancer equals digital cancer. This is all basic anatomy, Dr. Roland." The Dr. Roland told me that he thought I was overreacting, and the "fingeral" wasn't even a real word. Then I told him that I though he was underreacting, probably because he's embarrassed that he doesn't know how Latin works. Then he claimed that "underrecating" isn't a word either. The man has a terrible bedside manner."
Jenny Lawson, Let's Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir
"It's true, I did say I wanted girlfriends," I capitulated hesitantly, "but couldn't we start with something smaller and less terrifying? Like maybe spend a weekend at a crack house? I heard those people are very nonjudgmental, and if you accidentally say something offensive you can just blame it on their hallucinations."
Jenny Lawson, Let's Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir
"A friend is someone who knows where all your bodies are buried. Because they're the ones who helped you put them there."And sometimes, if you're really lucky, they help you dig them back up."
Jenny Lawson, Let's Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir
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