Gary D. Schmidt, The Wednesday Wars

"When 1:45 came, half the class left, and Danny Hupfer whispered, "If she gives you a cream puff after we leave, I'm going to kill you" - which was not something that someone headed off to prepare for his bar mitzvah should be thinking. When 1:55 came and the other half of the class left, Meryl Lee whispered, "If she gives you one after we leave, I'm going to do Number 408 to you." I didn't remember what Number 408 was, but it was probably pretty close to what Danny Hupfer had promised. Even Mai Thi looked at me with narrowed eyes and said, "I know your home." Which sounded pretty ominous."

"A southwest blow on ye and blister you all o'er!''The red plague rid you!''Toads, beetles, bats, light on you!''As wicked dew as e'er my mother brushed with raven's feather from unwholesome fen drop on you.''Strange stuff''Thou jesting monkey thou''Apes with foreheads villainous low''Pied ninny''Blind mole...' -The Caliban Curses"

"A comedy isn’t about being funny...a comedy is about characters who dare to know that they may choose a happy ending after all."

"Okay, so maybe sometimes the real world is smiles and miracles."

"I know. That sounds like a lie. But Presbyterians know that every so often a lie isn't all that bad, and I figured that this was about the best place it could happen."

"Whatever it means to be a friend, taking a black eye for someone has to be in it."

"I almost cried. But I didn't, because if you're in seventh grade and you cry while wearing a blue floral cape and yellow tights with white feathers on the butt, you just have to curl up and die somewhere in a dark alley."

"You can't just skip the boring parts."Of course I can skip the boring parts."How do you know they're boring if you don't read them"I can tell."Then you can't say you've read the whole play."I think I can live a happy life, Meryl Lee, even if I don't read the boring parts of The Tragedy of Hamlet, Prince of Denmark."Who knows" she said. "Maybe you can't."

"Vengeance is sweet. Vengeance taken when the vengee isn't sure who the venger is, is sweeter still."