P.G. Wodehouse, Love Among the Chickens

"Have you ever seen a man, woman, or child who wasn’t eating an egg or just going to eat an egg or just coming away from eating an egg? I tell you, the good old egg is the foundation of daily life. Stop the first man you meet in the street and ask him which he’d sooner lose, his egg or his wife, and see what he says!"

"It is the bungled crime that brings remorse."

"The ideas of debtor and creditor as to what constitutes a good time never coincide."

"He's such a dear, Mr. Garnet. A beautiful, pure, bred Persian. He has taken prizes."He's always taking something - generally food."

"I am not always good and noble. I am the hero of this story, but I have my off moments."

"If there is one thing I dislike, it is the man who tries to air his grievances when I wish to air mine."