Derek Landy

"I need a weapon, Valkyrie muttered. You’re an Elemental with a Necromancer ring, trained ina variety of martial arts by some of the best fighters in the world, Skulduggery pointed out. I’m fairly certain that makes you a weapon. I mean a weapon you hold. You have a gun, Tanith has a sword... I want a stick. I’ll buy you a stick for Christmas."

"Valkyrie patted Fletcher’s arm. Don’t worry, she said. If the bad man comes, I’ll protect you. If the bad man comes, Fletcher responded, I’ll bravely give out a high-pitched scream to distract him. I may even bravely faint, to give him a false sense of security. That will be your signal to strike. We make a great team. Just don’t forget to stand in front of me the whole time, he said."

"Kindness suits you. Really? I think I'm quite allergic to it."

"We watch television and we play music, but mostly we've found ways to amuse ourselves." "Really" Valkyrie asked. "Like what"Plight's smile faded. "Like human sacrifice."He grabbed one arm and Lenka grabbed the other and Valkyrie cried out. They both let go, laughing."Naw," Plight said," we just play board games."

"Just a few questions for you, Mr. Dunne. Or Kenny. Can I call you Kenny? I feel we've become friends in these past few seconds. Can I call you Kenny?"

"Hmmm... that's interesting."What"There seems to be a gentleman walking towards us with a shotgun."

"Valkyrie smiled patiently. "I like how you do your make-up. Do you use a brush, or just dip your head in the bucket?"

"Well, OK then." He narrowed his eyes. "How about you? Do you have any...romances I should know about"Nope. Not one."Well, good. Excellent. There'll be plenty of time for boys when you leave college and become a nun."She smiled. "I'm glad you have such ambitious dreams for me."

"Stephanie had no problem doing what shewas told, just so long as she was given a good reason why sheshould."

"What is a life" Scapegrace continued. "Is life merely living? Is it having a heartbeat? Or is life the effect you have on others? Is it the effect you have on the world around you? If so, what have I done with mine? How have I wasted it?"

"So now you're on the run,' Warrick said wistfully. 'Travelling the Dark Highway, a lone wolf. With your friend, who is another wolf. Two lone wolves. Two wolves, really. Not really alone. Two wolves in a car. Travelling. One of them naked and bloody. The other with her ass hanging out."

"Please just admit it," said Valkyrie. "You're going to miss me, aren't you" "Obviously," said Skulduggery. "Thank you." "like a drowning man misses the land." "Aw w w..." "Like a hesitant man misses the chance." "Yeah..." "Like an oblivious man misses the point." "I have a feeling you're mocking me somehow, but I can't put my finger on how."

"When I meet people, I no longer say "Hi, I'm Derek Landy, pleased to meet you." Now I say "Hi, I'm number one bestselling author Derek Landy. Worship me."

"Kindness suits you."Really? I think I'm quite allergic to it."

"Every once in a while, I get the urge. You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? The urge for destruction. The urge to hurt, maim, kill. It’s quite a thing, to experience that urge, to let it wash over you, to give in to it. It’s addictive. It’s all-consuming. You lose yourself to it. It’s quite, quite wonderful. I can feel it, even as I speak, tapping around the edges of my mind, trying to prise me open, slip its fingers in. And it would be so easy to let it happen. But we’re all like that, aren’t we? We’re all barbarians at our core. We’re all savage, murderous beasts. I know I am. I’m sure you are. The only difference between us, Mr Prave, is how loudly we roar. I know I roar very loudly indeed. How about you? Do you think you can match me?"

"If anyone stops us, as long as we mumble something pretentious about the glory of death, we should be fine."

"Being a detective isn't all about torture and murder and monsters. Sometimes it gets truly unpleasant... The fate of the world may depend on whether or not you can bring yourself to visit your relatives."