Woody Allen, Without Feathers

"The chief problem about death, incidentally, is the fear that there may be no afterlife - a depressing thought, particularly for those who bothered to shave. Also, there is the fear that there is an afterlife but no one will know where it's being held. On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily laying down."

"Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: Frequently there must be a beverage."

"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons."