Jonathan Swift

"Zsa Zsa Gabor when asked which of the Gabor women was the oldest said "She'll never admit it but I believe it is Mama." When men grow virtuous in their old age they only make a sacrifice to God of the devil's leavings."

"No wise man ever wished to be younger."

"When the world has once begun to use us ill it afterwards continues the same treatment with less scruple or ceremony as men do to a whore."

"May you live every day of your life."

"We of this age have discovered a shorter, and more prudent method to become scholars and wits, without the fatigue of reading or of thinking."

"That was excellently observed’, say I, when I read a passage in an author, where his opinion agrees with mine. When we differ, there I pronounce him to be mistaken."

"I never wonder to see men wicked, but I often wonder to see them not ashamed."

"Yet, Malice never was his Aim;He lash'd the Vice but spar'd the Name. No individual could resent,Where thousands equally were meant. His Satry points at no Defect, But what all Mortals may correct... Verses on the death of Dr Swift"

"When the world has once begun to use us ill, it afterwards continues the same treatment with less scruple or ceremony, as men do to a whore."

"I have been assured by a very knowing American of my acquaintance in London, that a young healthy child well nursed is at a year old a most delicious, nourishing, and wholesome food, whether stewed, roasted, baked, or boiled; and I make no doubt that it will equally serve in a fricassee or a ragout."

"Every dog must have his day."

"Laws are like cobwebs, which may catch small flies, but let wasps and hornets break through."

"He was a bold man that first ate an oyster."

"Falsehood flies, and truth comes limping after it, so that when men come to be undeceived, it is too late; the jest is over, and the tale hath had its effect: like a man, who hath thought of a good repartee when the discourse is changed, or the company parted; or like a physician, who hath found out an infallible medicine, after the patient is dead."

"Coffee makes us severe, and grave and philosophical."

"Vision is the art of seeing things invisible."

"“May you live every day of your life.”"

"If a man makes me keep my distance, the comfort is, he keeps his at the same time."

"It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of a thing he was never reasoned into."

"He asked me, "what were the usual causes or motives that made one country go to war with another" I answered "they were innumerable; but I should only mention a few of the chief. Sometimes the ambition of princes, who never think they have land or people enough to govern; sometimes the corruption of ministers, who engage their master in a war, in order to stifle or divert the clamour of the subjects against their evil administration. Difference in opinions has cost many millions of lives: for instance, whether flesh be bread, or bread be flesh; whether the juice of a certain berry be blood or wine; whether whistling be a vice or a virtue; whether it be better to kiss a post, or throw it into the fire: what is the best colour for a coat, whether black, white, red, or gray: and whether it should be long or short, narrow or wide, dirty or clean; with many more. Neither are any wars so furious and bloody, or of so long a continuance, especially if it be in things indifferent."