David Wong, John Dies at the End

"My mind didn't clear. It had been clear before. Instead it muddled, suddenly ablaze with rioting factions of insecurities and dreams, a cacophonous battleground of conflicting moral codes and dogma. I was, therefore, back to normal."

"...and - holy shit was this song bad. It was like the singer was stabbing my ear with a dagger made of dried turds."

"John, let me make one thing clear,” Jim said, cutting me off in his most stern, evangelical voice. “Every man is blessed with his gifts from the Lord. One of mine happens to be a penis large enough that, if it had a penis of its own, my penis’ penis would be larger than your penis.”..."Fuck all of you,” John retorted. “You don’t even exist. We’re all just a figment of my cock’s imagination."

"Fred said, “Man, I think he’s gonna make a fuckin’ suit of human skin, using the best parts from each of us.”“Holy crap,” said John. “He’ll be gorgeous."

"When a man plans, a woman laughs."

"I'm scared David"That's good, because there's lots to be afraid of"

"My melon soul Crushed by your Gallagher of apathy"

"Scientists talk about dark matter, the invisible, mysterious substance that occupies the space between stars. Dark matter makes up 99.99 percent of the universe, and they don't know what it is. Well I do. It's apathy. That's the truth of it; pile together everything we know and care about in the universe and it will still be nothing more than a tiny speck in the middle of a vast black ocean of Who Gives a Fuck."